Friday, 26 June 2009

• Currently A Rush of Blood to the Head By Coldplay Green Eyes see related

  Missing.

  I am home now, and that qualifies as missing.
  
  

     Every summer of every year since around the seventh grade, I have begun to unravel. Some years worse than others, but truth of the matter is it always happens to some degree. Today, this summer just worsened by extreme amounts with the homecoming from my senior class trip.
  

  
     12 days-- 4 of busing and 8 of touring. Gettysburg, Philadelphia, D.C., and Virginia Beach. Full days of  funny and aged Tour Guides, hotel rooms of your best friends, and (as we learned about this entire trip), freedom.
  
     Freedom. We learned of the Struggle at Gettysburg, the Signing in Pennsylvania, and our Modern era at D.C. Freedom, we learned how much it means to these people of our country. Freedom, the one true love of all Americans (alongside french fries). The thing we thrive and drive from, the thing we built our country on.
  
     And now I'm home. Prisoner of my family, prisoner of my mother. I haven't even seen her yet, but I've cried more than an hour. I cried last night in the hotel room. I cried and Chapel. I cried on the bus ride home. I can't be here, I can't take it, I can't live it.
  
     Every summer, I get like this. I feel more than trapped; I feel hidden from the world. I know some are worse off than I, but in truth most are a lot better. Among my friends, at least, they have truck loads of more freedom and that's what makes it so hard. That, and I do not get along with my mother. She loves me, she 'takes care' of me. But I can't stand her. The entire trip, her conversations:
  
  How's it going?
  -We're just on the bus, Mum.
  I wish you were home.
  -It's really loud here, sorry.
  We all miss you here.
  -Hey, we actually saw some dolphins today!
  That's great. But immensely, Hun, I wish you were home.
  -I got to go, announcement time. Bye Mum.
  I love you! We miss you! Come home soon!
  -Love you too. Bye!
  
  I know, she sounds so sweet. So nice. So caring.
  So overbearing. So controlling. So ignorant.
  
     I can say, in cold heart-ed honesty, I did not miss her a moment. I loathed the thought of returning constantly. And I cannot even imagine how awful this summer will be now that I know what it's like to be FREE, to be Gone, to be alone. This is just like camp.
     I remember, two summers ago, when I flat out told Mum and Dad I did not want to be Here. I told them, I'd rather be anywhere else. I hate my family living. We're sloppy and crabby and poor. We're rude and obnoxious and snotty. We're prissy and we're hicks. We live in Crappy Minnesota with a Crappy Home in a Crappy Town with no close friends.  And now, I've seen D.C.! I've seen Philly! I've seen the crowds and the street hustlers, the skyscrapers and the metro!--even the Ocean. I want to be there! I want to be surrounded by thousands of people I'll never have to know, but get the chance to anyway! I want out.
  
  

  I hate this home. I do not enjoy this family.
  I want out.
  

  
  
  

  • 8:39 PM
  • 22 Views
  • 0 eProps
  • 0 Comments